Decision timing is my greatest challenge.
It is an agony trying to get clear.

I have stumbled so many times,
impulsiveness my Achilles heel.

Am I a fool, jumping too soon,
or do I stand fast hoping for the grace of certainty?

Will my decision surge forward beneath me
or rasp roughly over the harmony of my life?

Sometimes I believe I have a destiny,
a design to my life…

A divine cadence daily being fulfilled.

Other times I believe I’m the last thing
on any divine being’s mind…

My total Godly behest a mere daub of prescience
rather than a sumptuous, crystalline revelation.

Is God a mere totem,
representative but with no power?

I want to know for certain that in any venture
I will thrive, not only today, but far into the future.

That I will prevail, ascend to the heights,
my success echoing in my life’s chambers.

I have scanned everything I know
to filter for answers.

I have plundered the ideas of others,
searching for peace.

And yet I do not find answers or peace there.

The only peace I find is in a power
who gives me the freedom…

To take a chance on my own imperfect choices
and carries me safely through the tempests of fortune. 

Susan Mardele is an award-winning, published poet. She wrote her first poem, “My Sister Is a Spoiled Brat,” at about the age of 11, and has continued to write since. She joined the Mockingbird Poetry Society and the Poetry Society of Texas in 2017, and continues to read and write poetry on a regular basis.

Susan’s career comprises corporate work, website management and currently, freelance writing. She has lived much of her life in the country and now lives in McKinney. She has one son living in Denton.